Book Review: The Relationship Handbook, George S. Pransky, PhD, Part 10 of 15

I regularly read and dissect popular relationships books, sharing the most relevant information and correcting misguided fallacies. In this post, I cover Chapter 10 of The Relationship Handbook.

 

Chapter 10: Don’t Deal With Problems

Pransky's Take

Focusing on problems kills relationships.

Problems don’t really exist; they are mirages that appear when certain conditions are present, such as an insecure state of mind. Problems lie in thought systems, not in the world. Focusing on a problem only fills your head with reactions instead of solutions.

If something makes you sore, the last thing you should do is poke it. Instead, treat it gently and with care, creating a secure environment so it can heal on its own.

Focus on solutions: Reflect, look and listen.

The Sigma Male Says

In this chapter, Pransky is a man after my heart. Becoming a Sigma Male requires you to accept complete responsibility for the state of your relationship. Blame (another word for focusing on problems), only leads to contention and resentment.

Pransky’s call to focus on solutions lines up with the Sigma philosophy of Dragonslaying; however, his charge to reflect, look, and listen is passive at best. Dragonslaying requires proactive action. While some problems may resolve themselves in due course, failing to take decisive steps to help you wife in her time of need can result in repeated attacks from the same types of dragon. And building secure walls of protection is definitely an action-based endeavor.

Next up: Understanding conflict

Previous chapters: 1-A Fresh Start, 2-Compatibility, 3-Communication, 4-Moods, 5-Emotions, 6-Compassion, 7-Dissatisfaction, 8-Change, 9—Bringing out the Best

George S. Pransky's book, The Relationship Handbook: A simple guide to satisfying relationships, is a lesser-known, self-published book that contains a number of good insights into building a strong marriage. This book is worth reviewing as a supplement to my book, The Sigma Male, while working to overcome the problem of Gender Role Reversal.

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Dr. John Alexander is relationship expert and the author of The Sigma Male: What Women Really Want. To learn more about Sigma Coaching, visit his website, subscribe to his blog, “like” his page on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter.