George S. Pransky's book, The Relationship Handbook: A simple guide to satisfying relationships (ISBN 0971198802), is a lesser-known, self-published book that contains a number of strong insights into building a strong marriage. This book is worth reviewing as a supplement to my book, Dragonslayer, while working to overcome the disease of Gender Role Reversal.
Previous chapters: 1-A Fresh Start, 2-Compatibility, 3-Communication, 4-Moods, 5-Emotions, 6-Compassion, 7-Dissatisfaction, 8-Change
Chapter 9: Bringing Out the Best in People
Pransky's Take
People respond to our demeanor. When they are struggling with negative habitual behaviors they need our understanding and support—our goodwill.
Pressure and punishment worsen counterproductive behavior. Pressure and punishment will not change a person.
Your state of mind alters the behavior of people around you (The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle). When you are in a chip-on-the-shoulder state of mind, you think in terms of pressure and intimidation, which sets up a battle of egos.
When you feel warm and respectful, ego is set aside. To avoid “reaction spirals” (clash of egos), we must raise our level of goodwill.
The Sigma Male Says
This is a simple chapter that makes complete sense. However, most men who are caught in “reaction spirals” are quick to point the finger at their wife, claiming that they behave the way they do because their wife constantly resorts to pressure and punishment, and if their wife would stop getting on their case, all would be well.
This classic battle of egos—the need to feel “right” when unfairly accused or punished—should be a non-issue for a protective Sigma Male. If your focus is on your wife’s security, you won't get defensive when she gripes or complains. Instead, you'll raise your head and look for the dragon that is attacking her.
When a woman feels secure, she won’t pressure or punish her husband.
Remember, you can battle your wife or you can battle her dragon.
Either way you have a battle on your hands—it’s just a question of correctly identifying your opponent.
Next up: Transcending problems
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