GGeorge S. Pransky's book, The Relationship Handbook: A simple guide to satisfying relationships (ISBN 0971198802), is a lesser-known, self-published book that contains a number of strong insights into building a strong marriage. This book is worth reviewing as a supplement to my book, Dragonslayer, while working to overcome the disease of Gender Role Reversal.
Previous chapters: 1-A Fresh Start, 2-Compatibility, 3-Communication, 4-Moods, 5-Emotions
Chapter 6: Compassion or Resentment?
Pransky's Take
Compassion protects human beings from each other’s frailties.
Compassion is not sympathy — it is not “being a doormat.” The difference between sympathy and compassion can be found in the accompanying feelings. Ask yourself this question: When interacting with an upset partner, do you feel sad or warm? Afterward do you feel drained or exhilarated?
Compassion (signaled by the latter feelings) helps you maintain a healthy relationship.
Pransky explains that whenever people exhibit counterproductive behavior, they are in an insecure state of mind. When we recognize that insecurity, we should reserve harsh judgement and "look beyond" the behavior. Instead, we should try to understand the underlying motivation, which demonstrates compassion.
Resentment, on the other hand, comes from focusing on the behavior itself, impairing our ability to be objective.
The Sigma Male Says
This chapter is right on target, as Pransky is basically describes the Sigma skill of Dragon Recognition. When a woman displays a negative emotion (through negative behavior), her husband needs to “look beyond” that behavior and discover why she feels that way. Negative emotions are caused by problems, fears, or burdens — anything that causes anxiety or stress; in other words, a “dragon.”
The first step in becoming a Sigma Dragon Slayer is the gaining the ability to quickly recognize your wife’s dragons, a skill that does require compassion.
The second step is to learn how to actually slay a dragon, but that is a topic for another day.
Next up: Dissatisfaction
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