George S. Pransky's book, The Relationship Handbook: A simple guide to satisfying relationships (ISBN 0971198802), is a lesser-known, self-published book that contains a number of strong insights into building a strong marriage. This book is worth reviewing as a supplement to my book, Dragonslayer, while working to overcome the disease of Gender Role Reversal.
Previous chapters: 1-A Fresh Start, 2-Compatibility, 3-Communication, 4-Moods
Chapter 5: Emotions
Pransky's Take
People either indulge their emotions or run away from them. Instead, we should realize that emotions are only thoughts.
Catharsis (acting out emotions) will not permanently remove them. Since negative emotions are just thoughts, the easiest way to rid your mind of a negative emotion is to dismiss it as you would any other distracting thought.
Pransky reiterates that emotions are just an indicator of mood. They are a momentary perspective on life, not a statement of the world at large.
The Sigma Male Says
From a Dragon Slaying perspective, understanding that your wife’s emotions are temporary thoughts might lead you to believe that if you ignore them, they will pass and then all will be well. In fact, don’t forget that Pransky also indicates that emotions are about a person's perspective—that they serve as an indicator or red flag. Although he states that emotions are temporary, he also points out that you can know that an emotion has become real to your wife if:
- It is an unpleasant feeling
- She feels it often
- It seems like circumstances created that feeling
In short, your wife’s negative emotions (her dragons in the form of problems, concerns, or stress) are real to her. To dismiss her dragons as small, self-inflicted, or imaginary does not make them any less real.
Perhaps it is good advice to minimize our own negative feelings; however, Pransky points out that negative emotions are an indication that our emotional health is suffering. What kind of man wants his wife to suffer? When you recognize a negative emotion in your wife, it should become real to you as well and treated as such. Move immediately into Dragon Slaying mode by first recognizing the dragon (validating your wife’ s feelings) and then killing the dragon (offering concrete assistance).
At the same time, recognize that when your wife feels bad, you do not need to feel bad as well. Empathy does not require suffering; instead, it is the ability to draw on your own experiences to understand how the other person feels.
Maintaining control of your own emotions when your wife is down shows your strength—the masculine strength she needs you to have. Your steadfastness will make her feel secure and help eliminate the negative emotion more quickly.
Next up: Choosing Compassion or Resentment
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