A Husband's Essential Role

This week I picked up Greg McKeown’s book, Essentialism. Within a few pages I hit this passage:

Have you ever found yourself stretched too thin? Have you ever felt both overworked and underutilized? Have you ever found yourself majoring in minor activities? Do you ever feel busy but not productive? Like you’re always in motion, but never getting anywhere?

If you answered yes to any of these, the way out is the way of the Essentialist.

Truer words were never spoken, especially in the context of improving a relationship. Before the epiphany that led me to develop the Sigma Philosophy, I was struggling to please my wife with little success. As a husband I was a “non-Essentialist” —  I was trying to do everything but accomplishing nothing. While I was a good man — effectively checking off most of the “nice guy” boxes — I was not implementing the one essential thing that would make me a great husband.

McKeown goes on to better define this concept:

[This idea] can be summarized by a characteristically succinct principle, captured in just three German words: Weniger aber besser. The English translation is: Less but better. A more fitting definition of Essentialism would be hard to come by.

The way of the Essentialist is the relentless pursuit of less but better. It doesn’t mean occasionally giving a nod to the principle. It means pursuing it in a disciplined way.

When a principle is true it applies across the board, whether in academics, business or life. In this case, learning to put your energy into the most important area of “relationship-building” should result in greater yields of marital success, fulfillment, and happiness. And it does!

For every man, the essential role is Protector. As such, every thought, action and reaction will be influenced by a Protective Mindset. This simple focus — “How can I most effectively protect my wife?” — must override any other consideration. Amazingly, the more emphasis a man puts on being a Protector, the faster he will become the husband his wife desires, because he will be delivering what she most needs: Complete security.

As McKeown so aptly states:

Essentialism is not about how to get more things done; it’s about how to get the right things done. It doesn’t mean just doing less for the sake of less either. It is about making the wisest possible investment of your time and energy in order to operate at our highest point of contribution by doing only what is essential.

Become a Sigma Male — a Relationship Essentialist. Learn how to protect.

—————

Dr. John Alexander is an expert on marriage relationships and the author of The Sigma Male: What Women Really Want. To learn more about importance of the Sigma Roles in marriage, visit his website, subscribe to his blog, “like” his page on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter.