1950s Marriage Advice: Has Anything Really Changed?

Most modern viewers respond to this video’s advice for women just as the newscasters do: With laughter and disbelief.

Interestingly, many men I coach still complain about these same issues, so maybe we should take a closer look.

Bad Tips for Women #1: Don’t bother your husband with petty troubles and complaints

Men, have you ever been guilty of brushing off your spouse’s stresses because they seem small or trivial? It’s easy to mistake these issues as “high-maintenance behavior” or attribute them to character flaws, so instead of listening and helping, you say, Why are you so worried? What’s the big deal? Why can’t you just relax? Why are you so emotional about everything? Then you justify these dismissals by thinking, My wife is a strong, capable woman; she can handle minor problems on her own. I f I acknowledge these inconveniences it will just encourage an overreaction. Besides, these little issues are nothing compared to the problems I face every day.

It doesn’t matter if your wife’s problems seem insignificant to you when they feel like aggressive, threatening dragons to her.

Without a doubt, failure to recognize your spouse’s stresses or concerns (her dragons) only signals misunderstanding, lack of caring and/or the inability to be protective.

Bad Tips for Women #2: Nagging destroys happiness more than anything else

Most men would agree: Nothing eliminates harmony faster than nagging does. But that begs the question: When and why did the nagging start? I’ve yet to meet a woman who really wants to be a nag. And I’ve yet to meet a woman who was a nag before she got married. In short, nagging is a bad habit and all bad habits are established after consistent reinforcement over time.

In other words, if the only way a woman can get her husband’s attention is to pester him…well, you know the rest. Experience proves that telling your spouse not to nag — even if she agrees she shouldn’t — never works. Besides, when you are a strong protector, nagging should roll off your back like water on a duck.

Here’s the interesting part: Bad Tip #2 wouldn’t exist without Bad Tip #1; that is, nagging only happens after men tune out their wives! 

Good Tips for Men #1: Recognize the dragon and slay it

When your wife has a problem, recognize it for what it is: An attacking dragon. Then, once you’ve acknowledge the existence of that dragon, whip out your man-sword and hack it down — be your wife’s protector and take care of the issue without hesitating.

When you do that, you’ll prove you’re a Sigma who’s moved beyond the 1950s.

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Dr. John Alexander is relationship expert and the author of The Sigma Male: What Women Really Want. To learn more about Sigma Coaching, visit his website, subscribe to his blog, “like” his page on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter.