Over the next 10 days, I’ll be analyzing the Top 10 Complaints From Unhappy Husbands, originally posted by Redbook.
Complaint #6: Disagreements About Decisions
Evan, married 4 years, complains:
I thought I was being the good guy by letting her make all the decisions at home about what we eat, how we decorate the house, and when we started a family, but I’ve since realized that it’s one of the reasons why she’s fed up with me.
Redbook’s expert says:
If you’re unhappy about how much your husband helps out around the house, make sure you understand where he’s coming from. What you see as slacking may be his thinking a hands-off approach is a sign of respect and trust. Speak up and let him know when his help would be appreciated. And on the flip side, if you have trouble letting go of doing every single thing, ask yourself what it would look like if you started to delegate. Would it really be so bad if the dishwasher was loaded differently, or would you end up with clean plates anyway?
The Sigma Male says:
The expert really misses the point with this complaint. The issue has nothing to do with helping around the house, slacking off, or how a man loads the dishwasher. It has everything to do with MAKING DECISIONS.
As Evan clearly explains, Modern Men think they are being accommodating "good guys" when they abandon the role of Presider and defer all decisions to their wives. They mistakenly believe their wives will appreciate the gesture. Quite the contrary.
Women want men to be decisive and responsible. Instead they get indecisive blamers. Being decisive does not mean controlling every choice and outcome; rather, it means being willing to have an opinion and make a decision, then accepting responsibility for the outcome of that decision, whether good or bad.
Putting all the decision-making on your wife's shoulders gives her a burden she doesn't want or need. Evan is right: shirking the role of Presider can only end with your wife being fed up with your lack of backbone.
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