Although I’m a plastic surgeon who generally sees patients for elective surgery, they still quiz me on general heath issues. These types of questions have only increased since opening our anti-aging clinic, Total T, where we work with clients — mostly men — to combat the degenerative effects of age. These men routinely ask me about the connection between improved fitness and increased intimacy. It makes sense, right? You would think improved physical shape would lead to more and better sex.
Well, sometimes.
It all depends on the status of a man’s relationship prior to getting into shape. Just because a man looks better physically doesn’t necessarily mean his spouse will find him any more desirable. True, both men and women are more attracted to a flat stomach than to a flabby gut. In fact, recent research suggests women are sometimes more receptive to visual stimulation than men. But this research also shows that other factors always play a role in a woman being visually stimulated.
Unfortunately (or fortunately for some of us) looking at a great body is just not enough to get most women going.
That being said, I still recommend that men improve their level of physical fitness while working on improving their relationship. Here’s 5 reasons why:
1. Mental Toughness: A man needs to be strong enough to take on anything life (or wife) throws at him.
Sticking to a challenging workout regimen — not to mention actually powering through it on each appointed day — requires focus, commitment, and drive. In other words, mental toughness. When a man can choose to push through something he knows — in advance — will cause him pain, he is better prepared to work through difficult relationship issues.
2. Emotional Toughness: A man needs to be his wife’s emotional rock.
Can you work out without complaining afterward? Telling a buddy how sore you feel is different than whining and crying about it, especially when you also tell him that you can’t wait to get stronger so you don’t hurt as much. In other words, “I refuse to give up.” But my wife wants me to be sensitive, not tough! Contrary to popular belief, “manning up” does not desensitize you. You can be tough and still be sensitive; in fact, I contend that manliness leads to true sensitivity. Real men can hurt, they just don’t get to complain about it.
3. Physical Toughness: A man needs to protect his wife physically.
When your wife is attracted to you emotionally, a leaner body and stronger muscles only make it better. Enough said.
4. Building a Sense of Security: A man needs to let his wife know he’s not going anywhere.
I have an overweight, out-of-shape friend who tells me his wife’s not worried — he’s got a big life insurance policy. And then there’s the friend whose husband recently passed away. He left her a sizable estate — she will never want for anything — but she’d give it all away to have him back. Taking care of yourself through fitness and clean eating is no guarantee, but it definitely signals more commitment than a insurance policy can by itself. Go ahead and take out the big policy for good measure. Then get into shape so your wife won’t need it.
5. Overall Wellbeing: A man needs to feel good to have a healthy relationship.
I’ve cited studies that demonstrate that a man’s health has a greater impact on the status of his relationship than his wife’s health does. Believe me as a physician: No amount of financial success can compensate for poor health. Multiple studies show that exercise helps you sleep better, reduces stress, improves self-esteem and increases libido — just to name a few of the fringe benefits of hitting the gym. Feel better and your wife will too.
Are you suddenly feeling the need to make a mid-year’s resolution? Keep your eye out for an upcoming post for my recommendation and review of a great, highly-motivating fitness program.
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Dr. John Alexander is an expert on marriage relationships and the author of The Sigma Male: What Women Really Want. To learn more about the Sigma Roles in marriage, visit his website, subscribe to his blog, “like” his page on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter.
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