3 Simple Ways Women Can Strengthen Their Relationships

In connection with my list for men, here’s three ways women can help their husbands apply the Sigma Principles:

1. Thank him for completing a task, even when he doesn’t do it the way you’d like it to be done

Men have the capability to do things “right,” but they often approach tasks with a different set of priorities. When a man completes a simple to-do and his wife responds critically, he takes it as a denouncement of his upbringing or feels like he’s being treated like a child. Since most men are pleasers by nature, a quick acknowledgement will work wonders.

Example: Your husband loads the dishwasher with the bowls on the bottom rack instead of on the top. He also neglects to pre-sort the silverware like you do. Instead of correcting him you say, “Thanks for loading the dishwasher — that’s one less thing I have to worry about.”

Result: Because your husband wants to make you happy, recognizing his effort opens the door to future and more timely task completion. Who knows, he may even start paying attention to how you organize the dishwasher racks — but would it really matter if he didn’t? 

2. Praise him in front of the children, then tell them why he’s great

Criticizing a spouse in front of the children is a subtle type of abusive parental alienation that causes emotional damage. Conversely, nothing makes a man feel better than to be built up in front of his children — and also invites your children into his circle of protection, since you are verbally recognizing his role as Presider.

Example: You tell your husband, “Thanks for taking care of that leaky toilet,” then turn to your kids and say, “Anybody else would have called a plumber, but not your dad. He can fix anything.”

Result: Not only will your husband be ready and willing to take care of future tasks (see #1) but your children also become the beneficiaries of your praise. Parents who readily express appreciation for each other are more likely to raise secure, stable children who are less likely to act out.

3. Ask him to do a “manly” task, even if it’s one you usually do yourself

Without a doubt, today’s women are strong and capable, but the push for full equality has caused many women to avoid asking men for help while dissuading their husbands from offering it. When you allow your husband to help you with a “manly” task, you celebrate his role as a man.

Example: You say, “Could you get that big box down for me?” while giving his biceps a little squeeze.

Result: Asking a man to be a man — especially to be your man — will fill him with positivity while subtlety coaching him to look for additional ways to be your Protector.

These three techniques are easy to implement — even the most adversarial of relationships. But when a woman already feels vulnerable, she may have difficulty asking a her husband for help. Nevertheless, if she follows my suggestions, he will receive this important message loud and clear:

Although I am a strong, capable woman, I still need and want you in my life.

And that’s a message guaranteed to stoke the fires of your Sigma Male in training.

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Dr. John Alexander is an expert on marriage relationships and the author of The Sigma Male: What Women Really Want. To learn more about the Sigma Roles in marriage, visit his website, subscribe to his blog, “like” his page on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter.