3 Simple Ways Men Can Strengthen Their Relationships

I’m often asked for specific examples of how a man can apply the Sigma Principles to his relationship. Here are three of my favorites. 

1. Take ownership for mistakes she makes

Society believes that a guilty party must make restitution for a crime and human nature suggests suffering should be a part of that payment. When your wife is guilty of making a mistake, neither of these beliefs should apply. When you take responsibility for a negative outcome that is your wife’s responsibility, she knows that her security is more important to you than your need to be right.

Example: Your wife takes too long getting ready, making you late to a dinner party. Upon arriving you say, “Sorry we’re late. The day got away from me didn’t notice what time it was.”

Result: Your unselfish gesture engenders your wife’s loyalty. In the future she will do what she can to avoid being the cause of your undeserved pain.

2. Side with her instead of family or friends, even if you think she’s wrong

In marriage, blood is NOT thicker than water. Loyalty to your relationship must trump all other associations. Your wife needs to know you have her back no matter what.

Example: Your wife feels run down and would rather spend a holiday at home with the kids instead of packing up and traveling to see your extended family. Your father voices his displeasure and blames your absence on your “selfish” wife. You say, “Guess what? It was my idea to stay home and if you don’t stop ragging on my wife you’ll see a lot less of us.”

Result: Your family and friends will realize that the two of you have an unbreakable partnership and you will not be disloyal to her, even for “insignificant” reasons. In turn, your wife will reciprocate that loyalty.  

3. Pay attention to her small hurts

When a woman is seriously injured, men take notice; however, they tend to disregard a woman’s small hurts. Regardless the size or type of her injury, let your wife know she matters to you.

Example: Whether she gets a minor burn, suffers a paper cut, has sore muscle after working out, or hits her funny bone, your response should always be the same: “Ouch! That smarts, doesn’t it? Let me help take care of that.” Then apply a band-aid or massage the sore spot with as much tenderness as you can muster.

Result: If you demonstrate consistent caring for your wife’s small hurts, she’ll never doubt you’ll be there for the big ones.

Some men roll their eyes at these suggestions, insisting that behavior of this kind will only result in their wife rejecting the gesture as insincere or patronizing, or even worse, she will take advantage of this “weakness” in the future.

Not so, especially when you act with a good natured attitude combined with a healthy dose of kindness. If you do, your wife will hear you say:

You are more important to me than anything else in the world. I would do anything to protect you.

Sending that message is the essence of being a Sigma Male.

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Dr. John Alexander is an expert on marriage relationships and the author of The Sigma Male: What Women Really Want. To learn more about the Sigma Roles in marriage, visit his website, subscribe to his blog, “like” his page on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter.