Pack Mule or Stallion: Which Are You?

On a regular basis, readers of The Sigma Male share new analogies with me that describe what they want in a partner.

Sue, an energetic 50-something, is 9 years into a happy second marriage. Yesterday she told me:

I don’t want a pack mule; I want a stallion.

Before she could be accused of wanting a stereotypical Alpha Male, Sue added a powerful clarification:

I want a man who can lead me where I want to go.

The differences between a pack mule and a stallion may seem obvious, but a few are worth analyzing in more detail.

Both a pack mule and a stallion are built to carry significant loads, but while a pack mule labors under whatever odds and ends are tossed on his back, a stallion carries what matters most. 

And although both may be headed down the same path, a pack mule is content to plod on, head on, following his master. In contrast, after understanding where his rider wants to go, a prize stallion sets the pace. He takes the rein and leads out with strength and confidence.

A rider doesn’t really need the stallion; she has legs of her own. But the stallion can make her life easier. To make that happen, she must choose to ride and he must choose to carry her.

And even after a stallion agrees to carry his passenger, she can’t force him to move in a direction he doesn’t want to go. But when he respects her their coupled strength allows them to move forward in a mutually beneficial partnership.  

In the end, a man can eat dust as a pack mule or lead out as a stallion. The choice is his.

Thanks for the excellent analogy, Sue. You nailed the Sigma Philosophy in two sentences. I have no doubt your marriage will continue to be a great one.

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Dr. John Alexander is an expert on marriage relationships and the author of The Sigma Male: What Women Really Want. To learn more about the Sigma Roles in marriage, visit his website, subscribe to his blog, “like” his page on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter.