Men's Complaint #5: My Spouse Has Lost Interest in Sex

Over the next 10 days, I’ll be analyzing the Top 10 Complaints From Unhappy Husbands, originally posted by Redbook.

Complaint #5: My Spouse Has Lost Interest in Sex

David, married 4 years, complains:

My wife was more voracious and sexually experienced than me when we first met, but once we got married, it’s like she flipped the switch to off. After seeing a therapist, she finally acknowledged that she wanted me to think she was a vixen so I’d fall in love with her. But then I asked her, "Did you ever think about what you might do if it worked?” If you make — and accept — a vow of sexual fidelity, then cut off the sex once the deal’s done, is it realistic to expect your partner to be okay with that?

Redbook’s expert says:

Switches don’t just get turned off. There is usually something more going on in situations like this. If you felt like you had to put on a mask to get your husband to marry you, you may want to examine what’s beneath the surface that made you feel that way. When individual issues come up in therapy, I think it’s important for both partners to look at them together.

The Sigma Male says:

Again, the expert has it partly right: there is more to situations like these. Some marriages may have true therapeutic issues, but most couples experience a diminished sex life because of Gender Role Reversal.

Once a wife becomes the dominant force in a marriage, she feels less desire for her weakened husband who seems less masculine. With each repetition of this cycle, she becomes increasingly dominant, more resentful, and less interested in sex. She cannot feel like a real woman in the presence of such a weak man who becomes merely a companion, or worse – a grown child. As a result, intimacy decreases for reasons candidly explained by this dominant woman: 

Ultimately, it gets down to pretty basic stuff. It’s hard to be the power broker during the day and the femme fatale at night. I can’t run the house, pay the bills – I feel like his mother – and then come home and have sex with him. (The Sigma Male: What Women Really Want, p. 58)

During sex, a woman is at her most vulnerable. In order to allow herself to enjoy the experience, she must respect and trust her partner completely.

Envision how difficult it is for her to willingly submit to her husband in the bedroom if:

• She believes she is stronger than him because he doesn't protect her.
• She believes she is smarter than him because he just doesn't get it.
• She doesn’t respect him because he whines or pouts. 
• She doesn’t desire him because he seems weak.
• She believes she is more dominant than him because she controls the sex. 
• She can’t follow him because he doesn't know how to lead.

In this state of mind, what he considers a blissful experience can feel downright degrading to his wife.(The Sigma Male: What Women Really Want, p. 133)

The cure to Gender Role Reversal is for a man to learn Sigma behavior and become a Sigma Male.

To learn more, visit TheSigmaMale.com