Men's Complaint #4: My Spouse is not Romantic Anymore

Over the next 10 days, I’ll be analyzing the Top 10 Complaints From Unhappy Husbands, originally posted by Redbook.

Complaint #4: My Spouse is not Romantic Anymore

Mark, married 26 years, complains:

I’ve been referred to by more than one woman as an incurable romantic. I once kidnapped the woman I was dating and told her that the next week would be spent in Jamaica. I enjoy sitting on the sofa in front of the fireplace watching romantic old movies. The night doesn’t have to end in bed for me to be happy. Unfortunately, my wife is no longer romantic, and I feel like my best quality is unappreciated.

Redbook’s expert says:

Relationships change and evolve, and sometimes the very qualities that attracted you to your husband are the ones that wind up making you nuts. It could be that you’re simply too stressed with the day-to-day to experience romance the same way — and that’s okay. The key is to come to a collective understanding of what sweet gestures now do it for you. A change of environment may do it — consider taking a break from the grind and going away for a long weekend.

The Sigma Male says:

The expert has one thing right: stress does take a toll on romance. But the idea that a change of environment can make a difference is a placebo at best.

Mark may think he is being truthful when he states that the evening doesn’t have to end in bed for him to be happy. Perhaps some of the time. But generally speaking, most men equate romance with sex…eventually. How long between the romance and the sex is just a matter of personality and drive.

Unfortunately, Mark is missing the key element necessary to reignite his wife’s romantic streak: safety and security.

A Modern Man believes he can purchase his wife’s favor: take her out on dates, buy her gifts, remember her birthday and anniversary, and so on. He mistakenly assumes these nice gestures will demonstrate his love and make his wife happy and in return, she will show her love and make him happy by giving him sex. Let’s see, you spend money on a woman and she has sex with you. Remind you of anything?

Men fail to realize their wife’s desire to have sex with them has absolutely nothing to do with taking her places and buying her things.

(The Sigma Male: What Women Really Want, p. 138)

In her book, The Female Brain, Dr. Louann Brizendine offers insight into what allows a woman to feel “romantic”:

Female sexual turn-on begins, ironically, with a brain turn-off. The impulses can rush to the pleasure centers and trigger [desire] only if the amygdala — the fear and anxiety center of the brain — has been deactivated. Before the amydala has been turned off, any last-minute worry — about work, about the kids, about schedules, about getting dinner on the table — can interrupt the march toward [desire].

In summary:

Let’s be completely fair to Modern Men. They don’t do nice things just for sex; they love their wives and want to make them happy.  But the only way you can create sexual desire in your wife is to make her feel completely secure and protected – unconditionally loved – which can never be accomplished by buying gifts or doing good deeds.

Understand this critical distinction between men and women:

For a man, sex leads to the security of feeling completely loved and needed. 

For a woman, the security of feeling completely loved and protected leads to the desire for sex.

(The Sigma Male: What Women Really Want, p. 138)

To learn how to implement the simple Sigma Skillset that will allow a woman to feel completely secure, visit TheSigmaMale.com.