How Would You Respond?

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.

The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"
 
All the women raised their hands.
 
Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"
 
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.
 
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband:
 
"I love you, sweetheart."
 
The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.

Here are some of the replies:

1. Who the hell is this?
 
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
 
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's up with you??

4. What now? Did you crash the car again?

5. I don't understand what you mean?

6. What the f*** did you do now?
 
7. ?!?

8. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?

9. Am I dreaming?

10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
 
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she??

Book Critique: The Relationship Handbook, George S. Pransky, PhD, Part 9 of 15

George S. Pransky's book, The Relationship Handbook: A simple guide to satisfying relationships (ISBN 0971198802), is a lesser-known, self-published book that contains a number of strong insights into building a strong marriage. This book is worth reviewing as a supplement to my book, Dragonslayer, while working to overcome the disease of Gender Role Reversal.

Previous chapters: 1-A Fresh Start, 2-Compatibility, 3-Communication, 4-Moods, 5-Emotions, 6-Compassion, 7-Dissatisfaction, 8-Change

Chapter 9: Bringing Out the Best in People

Pransky's Take

People respond to our demeanor. When they are struggling with negative habitual behaviors they need our understanding and support—our goodwill.

Pressure and punishment worsen counterproductive behavior. Pressure and punishment will not change a person.

Your state of mind alters the behavior of people around you (The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle). When you are in a chip-on-the-shoulder state of mind, you think in terms of pressure and intimidation, which sets up a battle of egos.

When you feel warm and respectful, ego is set aside. To avoid “reaction spirals” (clash of egos), we must raise our level of goodwill.

The Sigma Male Says

This is a simple chapter that makes complete sense. However, most men who are caught in “reaction spirals” are quick to point the finger at their wife, claiming that they behave the way they do because their wife constantly resorts to pressure and punishment, and if their wife would stop getting on their case, all would be well.

This classic battle of egos—the need to feel “right” when unfairly accused or punished—should be a non-issue for a protective Sigma Male. If your focus is on your wife’s security, you won't get defensive when she gripes or complains. Instead, you'll raise your head and look for the dragon that is attacking her.

When a woman feels secure, she won’t pressure or punish her husband.

Remember, you can battle your wife or you can battle her dragon.

Either way you have a battle on your hands—it’s just a question of correctly identifying your opponent.

Next up: Transcending problems

A Dominant Woman Takes On the WWE

A man asked a local radio show to prank call his wife.

Is there any question who lays down the law in his home?

Men and Minivans

 

Men and Minivans

Book Critique: The Relationship Handbook, George S. Pransky, PhD, Part 8 of 15

George S. Pransky's book, The Relationship Handbook: A simple guide to satisfying relationships (ISBN 0971198802), is a lesser-known, self-published book that contains a number of strong insights into building a strong marriage. This book is worth reviewing as a supplement to my book, Dragonslayer, while working to overcome the disease of Gender Role Reversal.

Previous chapters: 1-A Fresh Start, 2-Compatibility, 3-Communication, 4-Moods, 5-Emotions, 6-Compassion, 7-Dissatisfaction

Chapter 8: Change

Pransky's Take

People can change effortlessly and permanently, in an instant.

The only way to change is to change the way we feel inside. Our thinking changes our outlook, and our behaviors follow suit.

When someone gets insecure, they retreat to a conditioned personality, a coat of armor made of bad habits and pretenses. This armor offers safety. When we feel secure again, we put the armor aside. Everyone is delightful and productive when operating without armor.

Changing your partner, however, is difficult at best. You need their permission—you must work as a team—and even if permission is grated, it is not always perpetual.

Therefore, we should focus on changing ourselves. By offering goodwill to our partner, it sets our own change into motion.

The stages of change are:

1. Oblivious, unaware that there is even a problem
2. Justifying, our reaction is due to the behavior of another
3. Compulsive awareness, being aware of how we think, talk and act.
4. Change, the need to repeat past behavior is gone.

To change, don’t focus on your behavior; instead, focus on the feeling you have that precedes the behavior.

The Sigma Male Says

Pransky's armor analogy of fits hand-in-glove with the skill of dragonslaying. When your wife feels insecure or unsafe, she builds a makeshift barricade to protect herself from the everyday dragons that you refuse to acknowledge. She will not come out from behind her self-constructed barricade until she feels completely secure.

Pransky is also correct in stating that you must focus on changing yourself. A man who believes wife needs to change first is mistaken; after all, his failure to offer protection is the source of the problem.

Once a man acknowledges the importance of fulfilling his role as Protector, he begins to see himself in a different light. The strength that comes from slaying his wife’s dragons makes it impossible to return to old, passive behaviors. His change is quick and permanent. And his wife’s barricade comes down just as fast.

Next up: Bringing out the best in people