Part 5. Men want more sex.
Feldhahn’s Take
Everyone’s natural response to this statement is usually, “No kidding!” but for the wrong reason. We assume that men want more sex due to their physical wiring (their “needs”). But Feldhahn’s research shows that men want more sex because of their need to feel desired. Simply stated, men need to feel wanted. Therefore, regular, satisfying sex is critical to a man’s sense of feeling loved and desired.
The Sigma Male Says
This doesn't tell the whole story. While I agree that feeling sexually desired by a woman has a strong pull for men, as a doctor I know that the chief driver of sexual desire is testosterone. In the absence of testosterone, sexual drive drops to zero for both men and women. Men have a higher sex drive because of a higher level of testosterone. Men can be satisfied sexually without feeling desired by their partner. However, men are definitely more sexually fulfilled when their partner strongly desires them.
So the issue is not more sex, it's more fulfilling sex. Ergo, a woman can give a man all the sex he wants, but he still won't be satisfied until she desires him. More sex does not create desire in a woman. A man's behavier does.
A Sigma Male is regularly fulfilled by his wife because his behavior outside of the bedroom causes his wife to highly desire him.
Next up: Part 6: What Sex Means to a Man
Earlier Posts: Part 1: Disrespect, Part 2: Anger, Part 3: Insecurity, Part 4: The Burden of Providing
Note: Feldhahn's book, For Couple's Only, is actually a compilation of two books: For Women Only and For Men Only. In this series, I analyze the first. The summaries of each point were pulled from this post, by Jim Burns.
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Dr. John Alexander is an expert on marriage relationships and the author of The Sigma Male: What Women Really Want. To learn more about the Sigma Roles in marriage, visit his website, subscribe to his blog, “like” his page on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter.
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