Book Critique: For Women Only, Part 4 of 10: The Burden of Providing

Book Review Part 4, For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men, Shaunti Feldhahn

Part 4. Men feel the burden of being the provider for their family

Feldhahn’s Take

Intellectually, it doesn’t matter how much or little a man makes, or whether or not his wife makes more or less money in her career. Men simply bear the emotional burden of providing for their family. It’s not a burden they’ve chosen to bear. Men are simply wired with this burden. As such, it is never far from their minds and can result in the feeling of being trapped. While wives cannot release their husbands from this burden, they can relieve it through a healthy dose of appreciation, encouragement and support.

The Sigma Male Says

I completely agree. This verifies why the role of Provider is so important. Even if a husband and wife agree he will be a househusband — she will work and he will manage the household — he cannot eliminate the feelings that accompany the neglect of his obligation to provide because it is hardwired into him. A man feels emasculated when he is not able or willing to provide his family with the basics of life. Expressing appreciation for a man’s willingness to stay at home and be “Mr. Mom” will not overcome these feelings.

This doesn’t mean a woman can’t work outside of the home. She can even make more than her husband. But he should be able to provide for their basic necessities.

When a man steps up to fill this basic role, his wife will naturally become more appreciative because of his willingness to shoulder the weight of being a Provider. But if he shirks this responsibility, her burden will only increase, resulting in additional unhappiness.

Next up: Part 5: Sex

Earlier Posts: Part 1: Disrespect, Part 2: Anger, Part 3: Insecurity

Note: Feldhahn's book, For Couple's Only, is actually a compilation of two books: For Women Only and For Men Only. In this series, I analyze the first. The summaries of each point were pulled from this post, by Jim Burns.

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Dr. John Alexander is an expert on marriage relationships and the author of The Sigma Male: What Women Really Want. To learn more about the Sigma Roles in marriage, visit his website, subscribe to his blog, “like” his page on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter.