Disrespect (Part 1 of 10, Book Critique: For Women Only)

Book Critique Part 1, For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men, Shaunti Feldhahn 

Part 1: Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected

Feldhahn’s Take

Husbands need to know that their wives respect them both privately and publicly. Men thrive when they know that their wives trust them, admire them and believe in them. Shaunti Feldhahn’s research indicates that men would rather sense the loss of loving feelings from their wives than to be disrespected by them.

The Sigma Male Says

Men would rather feel unloved? Really? For most men, feeling disrespected or feeling unloved is the same thing. But to avoid splitting hairs, let’s agree with Feldhahn’s point.

The real problem is most men don’t know why their wives don’t respect them, and most of the time women themselves cannot identify the specific reason they feel that way. Under these circumstances, women justify their feelings by cataloging every one of their husband’s shortcomings. But even if their assessment is accurate, this laundry list of complaints misses the mark.

In reality, women usually disrespect their husbands when they aren’t filling one or more of the three essential Sigma Roles: Protector, Provider, and Presider.

Even when a man is a great guy (respectful, helpful, kind, considerate, etc.) if he is not filling this positive, dominant skillset, a little voice deep inside a woman tells her he isn’t a real man; therefore, true respect for him is automatically undermined.

A Sigma Male earns his wife’s respect and admiration because he is an effective Protector, Provider and Presider.

Next up: Part 2: Anger

Note: Feldhahn's book, For Couple's Only, is actually a compilation of two books: For Women Only and For Men Only. In this series, I analyze the first. The summaries of each point were pulled from this post, by Jim Burns.

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Dr. John Alexander is an expert on marriage relationships and the author of The Sigma Male: What Women Really Want. To learn more about the Sigma Roles in marriage, visit his website, subscribe to his blog, “like” his page on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter.