Recently, I had the opportunity to catch up with a friend of mine from high school. She has been married a couple of times and was complaining about the shortage of available good men. I told her about my book, Dragonslayer, and described a Sigma man to her.
“There aren’t any men like that,” she lamented, then ruefully added a shocker: “Most men want to be married to a mother. They want someone that will clean up after them and take care of all their needs. Men are slobs!”
Creating the habit of neatness and organization is not as difficult as you might think. In his recent book, The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg explains that developing a habit requires three steps:
“First, there is a cue, a trigger that tells your brain to go into automatic mode and which habit to use. Then there is the routine, which can be physical or mental or emotional. Finally, there is a reward, which helps your brain figure out if this particular loop is worth remembering for the future.”
Basically, all you have to do is develop a new "cue" that triggers a neatness "routine." If you add a "reward" that goes hand-in-hand with your neatness routine, before long you will become neat and orderly.
And Duhigg states that creating small “keystone habits” can start a chain reaction in more important areas of your life; for example, “Making your bed every morning is correlated with better productivity, a greater sense of well-being, and stronger skills at sticking with a budget.”
My brother, Matt shared with me an example from his life:
Making my bed every morning has become a visual cue for keeping the rest of my bedroom neat and tidy, which has overlapped into my office. What used to be a hassle--keeping things neat and orderly--is now automatic, and I'm the same person I was before I developed this habit.
How did I become a champion bed-maker? I added a "cue" to my morning routine: I began to make my bed each morning before getting into the shower--a task that I already did automatically. I stuck a note to the shower door that said, "Make the bed--RIGHT NOW!"
My reward? The smile and hug my wife gave me each day when I got home. Now that I've become accustomed to seeing my bed made, I don't have to do it before I take a shower anymore. My new cue is seeing an unmade bed. And I really don't need the reward anymore--although I still enjoy getting a squeeze from my happy wife!
In summary:
1. Cue - Note on my shower door
2. Routine - Making my bed
3. Reward - Happy wife
PIECE OF CAKE!
Picking up after yourself and learning to be organized will signal to your wife that you know how to be a responsible man. Taking care of the small things in your life will allow you to better command the greater aspects of your life. A man who can take care of the small things can be trusted with life’s greatest responsibilities.
Show your wife you are in control mentally by being organized.
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