Although the names have been changed, the following story is true.
EXAMPLE: JOE (42) & JULIE (44), MARRIED 12 YEARS
ROLE IN QUESTION: SIGMA PROTECTOR
Julie nicked her finger preparing dinner. The cut was minor — just a drop of blood.
Eight years prior, Joe had been in a serious car accident that landed him in the ICU for over a week. His recuperation and rehabilitation took over a year. He understands what real pain and suffering feel like. Joe’s difficult rehab has made it hard for him to empathize with other people’s “inconveniences.” He thinks Julie routinely overreacts when she suffers a minor injury.
Joe’s Typical Past Reaction
Before he learned the Dragonslaying Skillset, Joe would have said, “That’s nothing. Take a look at what a real injury looks like,” while lifting up his shirt to reveal his extensive scarring.
Joe had been ignoring this type of Protector dragon for years, not realizing that his wife interpreted his reactions to her injuries as non-protective and uncaring. I reminded Joe that his duty was to protect his wife from all dragons, whether small, self-inflicted, or imaginary.
This time, Joe was prepared with the proper response. As soon as his wife announced that she had cut her finger, Joe grabbed a towel and applied pressure to the cut, saying, “I’ll bet that smarts. Small cuts are the worst.” After the bleeding stopped (about 10 seconds later) Joe applied a Bandaid to her finger and “kissed it better.”
Although this incident seemed insignificant at the time, Joe’s Sigma reaction was the genesis of a one-week relationship turnaround. He was amazed how Julie responded to his new-found status as her Protector. They reported feeling like they were newly married again.
Remember, if your spouse can’t trust you to protect her in small ways, what would make her think you’d have her back during a big threat?
Are there issues that create anxiety or pressure in your relationship? Email me the details and I’ll address your concern in a future post.
Dr. John Alexander is relationship expert and the author of The Sigma Male: What Women Really Want. To learn more about Sigma Coaching, visit his website, subscribe to his blog, “like” his page on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter.