Who's the Rock in Your Relationship?

As much as I was glad to see a positive portrayal of men in this commercial, I’m sorry to say it hasn’t become a new trend in advertising. Unfortunately, for every strong man TV gives us, it throws in another 49 weaklings.

At least for now, Gender Role Reversal seems to be the product sales message of the day.

Here’s a brief clip from the latest Sleep Number ad:

While the man — playing with kittens — is described as “the softy,” his wife — reading next to a huge Great Dane — is “the rock.” And he stays up late doing his best imitation of yoga while she’s the responsible “early riser. Up and at ‘em!”

While there’s nothing patently wrong with being sensitive and loving kittens, there’s no question the ad places the man in a weakened, impotent position.

Think I’m overreaching? Well, for starters the voice-over directly addresses women. Listen again:

He’s the softy. You’re the rock. And that works!

It would have been easy to write the ad in more neutral terms, by either using both “he” and “she” or with a subtle edit to the text (he prefers soft; you prefer rock hard, etc.)

Unfortunately, society continues to believe that today’s women prefer “soft” men.

I couldn’t disagree more.

Even more misguided is the suggestion that all is well in this couple’s relationship because they are “in it together — keeping the love alive.” But the imagery suggests otherwise. While they hold hands to create the shape of a cute heart, there’s nothing in their posture that even hints at intimacy.

Look again: Stiff joints, forced grins, and pelvises as far from each other as possible.

Perhaps this has become the norm for too many couples. But what do you expect when a man is portrayed as “the softy?” And don’t even get me started on the innuendo of being “the softy” in the bedroom…

Sadly, this couple’s lack of intimacy is not too surprising given the full ad’s final act.

As it turns out, the woman has total control of the couple’s bed: She uses her remote control to guarantee herself an unmolested night’s sleep. 

Since she’s the one making the decision to buy the bed, she must be the Provider — meaning she’s making decisions outside the bedroom. And when a man fails to fill any of the Sigma Roles (Protector, Provider, Presider) OUTSIDE the bedroom, he can’t expect anything to be different INSIDE the bedroom. 

Only one question remains: Why do advertisers continue to run ads that seem to endorse Gender Role Reversal?

I think the answer is obvious. Leave a comment to let me know what you think.

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Dr. John Alexander is relationship expert and the author of The Sigma Male: What Women Really Want. To learn more about Sigma Coaching, visit his website, subscribe to his blog, “like” his page on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter.