I regularly read and dissect popular relationships books, sharing the most relevant information and correcting misguided fallacies. In this post, I cover Chapter 12 of The Relationship Handbook.
Chapter 12: The Evolution of Relationships
Pransky’s Take
Relationships change over time from excitement to comfort. This evolution is a good thing because it allows you gain a deeper, more fulfilling level of intimacy.
Marriages “quiet down” over time, becoming “deeper rather than more stimulating” because excitement is not very satisfying.
Intimacy comes more from sharing and companionship than from sex.
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The Sigma Male Says
Based on my interaction with struggling couples, it would be easy to misconstrue this chapter. Pransky’s description of arriving at a level of deep intimacy sounds like an excuse for couples who allow themselves to fall into boring routines, content to live without any spark of excitement. His statement about gaining these deeper feelings is correct: Other aspects of our lives (besides sex) help us develop intimacy. Couples who share nothing more than a physical connection are apt to become bored and discontent.
However, Pransky’s analogy of stimulation vs. depth (back scratching vs. massage) falls a bit short. As much as we may love receiving a great massage, I’ve yet to meet anyone who doesn’t like to have their back scratched as well.
Couples err in thinking that it should be natural for the excitement of sex to wain over time because of an increasing depth of psychological intimacy. I’ve heard other psychologists refer to transition this in terms of lust vs. love, stating that it is impossible for the two feelings to coexist.
I disagree. While our physical bodies may lose the strength of youth, a couple can maintain or even increase the level of desire they feel for each other.
The more secure a woman feels, the more she will desire her husband — physically and emotionally.
Sigma behavior makes this possible.
Next up: It’s never too late for a fresh start
Previous chapters: 1-A Fresh Start, 2-Compatibility, 3-Communication, 4-Moods, 5-Emotions, 6-Compassion, 7-Dissatisfaction, 8-Change, 9-Bringing out the Best, 10-Bringing out the Best, 11-The Source of Conflict
George S. Pransky’s book, The Relationship Handbook: A simple guide to satisfying relationships, is a lesser-known, self-published book that contains a number of good insights into building a strong marriage. This book is worth reviewing as a supplement to my book, The Sigma Male, while working to overcome the problem of Gender Role Reversal.
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Dr. John Alexander is relationship expert and the author of The Sigma Male: What Women Really Want. To learn more about Sigma Coaching, visit his website, subscribe to his blog, “like” his page on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter.
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