When Husbands Become Dragons

The internet is rife with all kinds of crazy videos, including mean-spirited pranks, questionable challenges, and an endless menagerie of cats. All good fun, right?

Not always. I’ve noticed a particularly disturbing trend emerge where men post videos of their unsuspecting wives and girlfriends. Their rationale for doing so varies from poking fun to proving a point. Regardless of the reason, when a man goes public with anything that could potentially humiliate a woman, he become her worst nightmare: A Protector turned dragon.

An example of this trend recently went viral when James Mongiat of Tennessee posted a video of his wife’s temper tantrum on YouTube. I’ve chosen not to re-post the video, but it’s easy to find online.

Apparently, James had promised to take his wife, Whitney, out with friends for a day on the lake. When he reneged in order to catch up on household chores, she went ballistic: yelling, pleading, crying — basically throwing the equivalent of a four-year-old’s temper tantrum.

The internet blew up as people criticized Whitney's immature behavior. While a few pointed out that perhaps James should not have posted the video, most bloggers came down in support of his actions. In fact, relationship coach Dr. Tara Palmatier of Shrink4Men.com went as far as to say that:

"What James did is a great example of ABR (Always Be Recording), which I recommend every man do who is married to or dating an abusive woman."

Here’s the problem I have with that statement:

James seems a bit too amused by the whole thing. During his wife’s tantrum, he appears to be mugging for the camera, as if he already knows he’s going to post the video. And the fact that James “did not lose his cool during the entire incident” is not exactly unwavering evidence of strength of character. After all, he knew he was going to post the video! If James had lost his temper, I’m pretty certain this encounter never would have seen the light of day.

Furthermore, are we to believe that this interaction is an accurate representation of all of their interactions? If so, James has more self-control than most—if not all—men, including me.

Dr. Palmatier states that:

"More men should document this kind of behavior. Oftentimes, it’s the only way people will believe them that their wife or girlfriend really is that bad.”

She defends his public posting of the video because:

"Whitney seems to have a habit of complaining about her husband to her friends on Facebook – a public forum. Seems only fair that James gets to have his say."

Before I take issue with these statements, let me make two clarifications:

1. Nothing excuses Whitney’s behavior.
2. No one should stay in an abusive relationships—men nor women.

We may never know what went on behind closed doors in this relationship; however, from a Sigma Male point of view, more than a few things are certain.

 

According to James, his wife was prone to "screaming fits
and as a result, their marriage had broken down. I find it hard to believe that her fits only started after they exchanged their marriage vows. More likely, James knew exactly what he was getting into.

 

But that is beside the point.

As a Protector, a man is responsible to guarantee the physical, emotional, and social safety and security of his wife. A woman has to know that a husband has her back, no matter what.

 

A Sigma Male does not need to prove to the world that his wife is crazy — that she is “really that bad.” A Sigma has to be strong enough to hold the higher ground — to refuse to come off of the wall of protection. A man who engages in this type of behavior is like a soldier who gets wounded and then runs away while blaming his pain on the people he is supposed to be protecting.

 

I’m not saying that James should have given in to his wife’s histrionics. But he never should have filmed and posted the exchange. When she started to melt down, he should have been asking himself which specific dragons she was reacting to.

Sure, this was not Whitney’s first temper tantrum; but I am also certain that this is not the first time that James sold out his wife publicly—to friends or otherwise.

There’s no way to know exactly when the initial damage occurred, but I believe James quit being a Protector long before he shot this video. And when he did that, he chose to become another dragon his wife had to contend with.