Part 8. Men enjoy romance, but doubt their skills to be romantic.
Feldhahn’s Take
True, many men appear to be unromantic clods, but it doesn’t mean that they want to be that way! Men want to be romantic, but they just doubt their ability to pull it off. They are plagued by internal hesitations, perceiving the risk of humiliation and failure as too high. Wives can do a great deal to increase their husbands’ confidence in their romantic skills through encouragement and redefining what romance looks like. For example, a wife may balk when her husband asks her to go along to the hardware store, but it’s likely that he’s asking because he sees it as a time they can get away as a couple and hang out together. What’s not romantic about that?
The Sigma Male Says
Give me a break! A run to Home Depot is supposed to take the place of a romantic date? Once again, the expert puts all the pressure on a woman to find ways to make her total-excuse-of-a-man feel like he is doing something right, when he isn’t. A Sigma Male is confident in his ability to be romantic. He is strong enough that he doesn’t care if everyone knows that he is completely and totally in love with his wife. He goes out of his way to be romantic because he knows his wife appreciates it.
Once a man has the confidence of a Sigma, any lack of conviction regarding his ability to be romantic will completely disappear and his wife won’t have to pretend that a trip to the hardware store means anything more than “I need someone to help me carry the 2 x 4s.”
On the other hand, when a Sigma does invite his wife to the hardware store, she will correctly conclude that he just loves being with her as much as possible. And that is romantic!
Next up: Part 9: A Woman's Looks
Earlier Posts: Part 1: Disrespect, Part 2: Anger, Part 3: Insecurity, Part 4: The Burden of Providing, Part 5: Sex, Part 6: What Sex Means to a Man, Part 7: Visual Stimulation
Note: Feldhahn's book, For Couple's Only, is actually a compilation of two books: For Women Only and For Men Only. In this series, I analyze the first. The summaries of each point were pulled from this post, by Jim Burns.
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Dr. John Alexander is an expert on marriage relationships and the author of The Sigma Male: What Women Really Want. To learn more about the Sigma Roles in marriage, visit his website, subscribe to his blog, “like” his page on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter.
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