The Destructive Effects of Self-Pity

Want to improve your relationship? The first step is to quit being a victim and take complete responsibility for the status of the relationship — even if you’re convinced you’re not at fault. ESPECIALLY if you think you’re not at fault. Why? According to Dr. Margaret Paul, self-pity (being the victim) demonstrates a lack of strength:

• Self-pity gets you off the hook from having to take responsibility for yourself. If you see yourself as a loser or unlucky or not good enough, then you don't have to take loving action in your own behalf.

• The hope of self-pity may be to make someone else feely guilty enough to take responsibility for you. Self-pity is a form of control - to avoid making mistakes, and possibly failing, by getting someone else to feel sorry enough for you, or guilty enough, to take care of you.

It’s impossible for your partner to feel completely secure when you act weak and needy.

The choice is simple: Whine like a victim or protect like a Sigma. The happiness of your relationship depends on it.

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Dr. John Alexander is relationship expert and the author of The Sigma Male: What Women Really Want. To learn more about Sigma Coaching, visit his website, subscribe to his blog, “like” his page on Facebook, and follow him on Twitter.